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Most likely, your child's iPhone, right now, is probably set up to receive calls, texts, and FaceTime requests from anyone on the planet.
Not just their friends. Not just your family. Anyone.
Every stranger in a group chat. Every unknown number at 11pm. The door is wide open — because Apple's default Communication Limit setting is Everyone.
Last issue, we covered what happens when something inappropriate arrives on your kid's phone (Communication Safety blurs it before they see it). That's the alarm system.
Today, we're locking the front door.
Just one Screen Time setting that controls exactly who can call, text, and FaceTime your child, and it takes less than three minutes to set up.
🤔 What Are Communication Limits?
Communication Limits is a feature inside Screen Time that controls who your child can communicate with through Phone calls, FaceTime, Messages, and iCloud Contacts. It's been available since iOS 13.3, which means it's been sitting on your kid's phone for years, and almost nobody uses it.
It works in two modes:
During Screen Time (their normal phone use): you choose whether they can talk to everyone, contacts only, or contacts plus group chats that include at least one known contact.
During Downtime (the hours you've scheduled as phone-free): you can lock communication down even further to only specific contacts you hand-pick. Think: Mom, Dad, Grandma, and that's it.
And here's the part most parents miss: there's a separate toggle called Allow Contact Editing that controls whether your kid can add new contacts to their phone. Turn that off, and they can't simply add a stranger's number to bypass the limit. You become the gatekeeper for their contact list.
🛠️ How to Set It Up
You'll need Family Sharing set up first (see our Family Sharing issue if you haven't done this). You'll also need your child's iCloud Contacts turned on, the feature won't work without it.
On your child's iPhone:
1️⃣ Open Settings → Screen Time
2️⃣ Tap Communication Limits
3️⃣ Tap During Screen Time and select Contacts Only (this is the big one, it means only people saved in their contacts can reach them)
4️⃣ Tap During Downtime and select Specific Contacts, then hand-pick the short list of people who can reach your child during off-hours (family members, one or two close friends)
5️⃣ Back in Communication Limits, turn off the toggle for Allow Contact Editing, this prevents your child from adding new contacts without your knowledge
6️⃣ Tap Manage [child's name]'s Contacts, this lets you view, add, edit, and remove contacts from their phone remotely, right from your own device
From your own iPhone (remotely):
1️⃣ Open Settings → Screen Time
2️⃣ Scroll down to Family and tap your child's name
3️⃣ Tap Communication Limits and follow the same steps above
4️⃣ When you turn on Manage [child's name]'s Contacts, your child will get a notification asking them to approve the request — once they do, you can manage their entire contact list from your phone
Note: Your Screen Time passcode protects all of these settings. If you haven't set one up, do it now, without it, your child can change everything back.
⚠️ One Honest Heads-Up
Communication Limits has a few rough edges. Some parents on Apple's support forums report that Downtime-specific contacts sometimes get blocked anyway, usually because iCloud Contacts wasn't properly synced or because App Limits were conflicting with the communication settings. If you run into issues:
Make sure Contacts in iCloud is turned on (Settings → [child's name] → iCloud → Contacts)
Check that Messages and FaceTime are listed under Always Allowed in Screen Time
Try turning Screen Time off and back on if contacts aren't syncing properly
It's not perfect. But "not perfect" is still miles better than "wide open."
✅ Bottom Line
📵 Communication Limits controls who can call, text, and FaceTime your child, set it to Contacts Only and strangers can't get through
🔒 Turn off Allow Contact Editing so your child can't add unknown numbers to bypass the restriction
👨👩👧 Manage their contacts remotely from your own iPhone, you control who's in their phone without touching their device
🌙 During Downtime, lock it down further to only the specific people you choose (Mom, Dad, emergency contacts)
🛡️ Pair it with Communication Safety from our last issue, together, they control both who can reach your child and what gets through
🆘 Emergency calls always work, Apple lifts all limits for 24 hours after any emergency call
Until next time — stay private, stay safe.
— Peter Oram
Chief Cyber Safety Evangelist
P.S.: I’m working on a practical iPhone safety guide for parents.
Reach out if you’re interested in early access.
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